


Beautiful Trauma

by Luckiest_porg_in_the_galaxy



Series: Beautiful trauma [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Damerux, English is not my native language, Gingerpilot, Hux needs a hug, Kylux bff, M/M, Mental Illness, Modern AU, My grammar sucks, Poe and Hux's age gap is because I didn't know Poe's age at the time, childhood abused mention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-02
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-17 07:37:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14184099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Luckiest_porg_in_the_galaxy/pseuds/Luckiest_porg_in_the_galaxy
Summary: Poe had been in love with Armitage Hux since he was eleven.Of course, he had no idea what the word ‘Love’ actually was.





	1. Angel

 

Chapter 1:

 

Poe had been in love with Armitage Hux since he was eleven.

Of course, he had no idea what the word ‘Love’ actually was.

It was after the accident that killed both of his parents. His mother’s boss, Leia Organa, decided to take him in and gave him a new life. Poe was young and terrified of the change, but he had known Leia all his life, he trusted her, and he always looked up to her son, Ben Solo, who had become his big brother long before he was adopted. They weren’t that close, but he knew he could always count on Ben to be there for him.

Then there was Armitage.

His brother’s best friend was nine years older than Poe, which made him nineteen when Poe moved into the Solos’ house, but at the time he wasn’t in town. Poe heard he took two years off after high school to travel to places. Sometimes he would hear Ben talking to his friend on the phone or saw his pictures in the photo album, but he had never met the real guy.

And when he did meet Armitage Hux for the first time, he thought there was an angel in the living room.

The twenty years old man shifted uncomfortably as the boy stared at him in silent. It took Poe minutes to figure out what to say and said it. 

“Are you an angel?”

“Excuse me?” Hux was confused at the boy’s question.

“My mom said an angel is the most beautiful creature. They live in heaven!” Poe said, his eyes sparkled. “That’s where  good people go after they die too. Have you seen my parents? I really missed them.”

“Umm, I-” The red-haired man was starting to freak out as the boy hopped on the sofa with him.

“Your eyes are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.”

“Hux, you ready to go?”

“Oh, thank god.” Hux rose up immediately when he spotted his friend coming downstair. He turned to look at the boy. “Sorry. I’m in a hurry.”

“That’s fine. Can you say hi to my parents for me?” Poe asked with that innocent voice that made Hux choked. He whispered to his friend.

“Who is this kid?”

Poe didn’t know what Ben’s answer was. But from the way Hux’s eyes soften when he looked at the boy. Poe didn’t really mind.

“I can’t promise you that, but, one day, if I have a chance, I definitely will.”

“Thank you!” 

The boy smiled widely, watching his brother walked out the door with the beautiful angel he later learnt that his name was ‘Armitage Hux’.

* * *

 

It was when he was Thirteen that Poe noticed something was wrong about his feeling for Armitage.

When his friends started talking about hot girls or a sexy math teacher, Poe’s thoughts never strayed far from the angel he met in his house.

When Poe relieved himself for the very first time, it was with Armitage in his mind, kissing him as his pale hand stroking Poe’s cock to his release, or taking Poe’s cock in his mouth. He always felt guilty afterward when he walked downstair and saw Armitage talking with his brother, unaware of being used as a tool to get the teenage boy off. Poe’s eyes followed those thin lips down to his pale neck and up to his beautiful pale blue eyes that sparkled whenever he talked about things he loved discussing; laws, politics, or even sometimes medical stuffs. He kept telling himself that it was okay to imagine the older man in those compromised positions. As long as no one knew about it. 

But as he fell deeper into his fantasies, Poe felt more and more guilty for things he did in them that he would never dared think about in reality.

* * *

 

It was the summer of his freshmen year that Poe realized he was in love with Armitage.

He had always thought it was something physical, it was just because he liked how the other guy looked when he laughed or smiled, regardless of how rare that was, and he loved being scolded by his brother’s best friend, because he knew the older guy just want what’s best for him, and it was rather cute when he was mad.

But when he saw Armitage in the kitchen with Ben, standing inches apart from each other with their faces closer than Poe would like it to be, he just lost it.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

That startled both of them. Ben frowned as he saw that it was his baby brother.

“Keep it down. Mom is sleeping upstair.”

“What are you doing?” Poe lower his voice, but still wouldn’t let it go.

“Something is in Hux’s eye. I’m tried to blow to out, didn’t work.” Ben replied irritatedly. Poe just noticed that  the red-haired man was keeping his eyes shut the whole time  they were talking. “Hey, you got better eyesight than I do, come give it a try.”

“I- Fine.”

Poe sighed and walked toward Hux, who frowned but refused to open his eyes. As Poe’s hand gently touched Hux cheek, he felt the man flinched away slightly, and that cut him even deeper than how close his brother was with Hux a second ago.

“Relax, I’m no going to hurt you.” He whispered softly.

Surprisingly, Armitage did as he was told. Poe gently pried the elder man eyelid open and blew the eyelash that stuck on the white of his eyes out. Poe’s face was still less then an inch away from Armitage when the red-haired guy opened his eyes. 

It was that perfect moment when the main character leant in for a kiss with another character in a romantic movie, but this was real life, Artimage just mumbled his thanks and stepped away from Poe to stand by his friend’s side.

The only place Armitage was comfortable to be.

* * *

 

It was his second year of university when Poe decided to confess his feelings for Armitage.

He got Rey to lure away his smitten adoptive brother, so finally had his time alone with the man of his dream.

“Hey.”

Poe sat down on the bench Hux was sitting on. The man looked startled when he looked up from his book. Poe didn’t see Armitage as much as he would have liked since he started college. The man looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, but somehow still looked breathtakingly gorgeous in Poe’s eyes.

“Dameron, what are you doing here?”

“Listen, I don’t really have much time, Ben is coming back soon and I just need to ask to this.” Poe took a deep breath and gave it his all. “Will you go on a date with me?”

“What?” Poe wasn’t sure if it was a trick of the light, but Hux looked even paler after he heard Poe’s question.

“I have had a crush on you since I was young. I just want a chance-”

“No.” The lean figure stood up before Poe even finished. “Get out.”

“Armita-”

“GET OUT!”

Poe was on his feet as he saw how upset his confession made the other man feel. He knew his feelings were one-sided, but to have Hux looked down right disgusted with it stung him worse than anything in his life.

“I’m sorry.”

Poe was feeling numb as his car are pulled into his driveway, he knew it wouldn’t be easy to stop loving someone just because he was rejected, but he knew he needed to.

At least that way he could still be around the older guy.

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

Chapter 2:

 

“Poe, can I talk to you?”

Rey popped her head into his bedroom. Poe was too drunk to even tell if his friend was real or just some kind of delusion. The black-haired man sat up on his bed, winced slightly at the pounding in his head.

“What?”

“I need to do something very important tomorrow.”

“Want me to go with you?” He asked sarcastically, knowing that he was too messed up to help his friend with whatever she needed to do tomorrow.

“It IS very important.”

Rey tried to imply how important it was to her without breaking her promise with Ben. 

“Then what is it?” Poe wasn’t easily irritated, but Alcohol made him cranky.

“I can’t tell you that.” Rey sat down on his bed. “I promised Ben I wouldn’t”

“I know you and Ben are lovey-dovey right now, but please, spare me the details.” Poe groaned. The last thing he wanted was to tag along on his best friend and his brother’s date.

“No! It’s not like that!” Now it was Rey’s turn to growled in frustration. She looked over her shoulder before turning back to Poe and lowered her voice. “It’s about Hux.”

The name instantly caught Poe’s attention. He hadn’t seen the guy in weeks. Hux wouldn’t show up for dinners with Leia and Han. He didn’t even show up for Ben’s birthday. Poe got so worried he drove by the older guy’s house a couple times, but no sign of him there.

“Where is he? Is he mad at me?”

“I promised I wouldn’t tell you anything.” Rey said, “But if you want to know, I leave my house tomorrow, 8 a.m. sharp. And I will be too busy listening to music to notice if anyone is following me.”

* * *

 

That was how Poe ended up stalking his best friend with her own permission.

It was a weird experience, but it wasn’t like Poe had anything better to do.

Everything was normal until Ben’s car (Which he never let Poe touch but gave Rey his spare key like no big deal.) was heading toward a mental hospital. Poe pressed his feet on the break slightly, increased his distance between Rey and his car.

His heart was beating faster as he tried to figure out the reason Rey was there, but the lean figure that he hadn’t seen in quite a while that just stepped out of the hospital put all the puzzles in place for him.

Poe kept following the car, keeping his distance parked his car a few roll away when Rey pulled her car into a family restaurant parking lot. Poe grabbed his hat and sunglasses, heading inside the restaurant a few minutes after Rey and Hux went in.

 

“How are you feeling?”

Poe was sitting at the table behind the red-haired man. Rey obviously saw him but didn’t acknowledge his existence. His best friend just kept talking to the older guy as if Poe wasn’t there.

“Better. Thanks for picking me up.” Hux replied.

“No problem. Ben has that huge exam so he couldn’t come, but he really wanted to be here too.” Rey told him. “I’m truly sorry for what you had to go through at such a young age. Your father deserved every sentence he got.”

_What? What was Rey talking about?_

Poe thought as he quietly eavesdropping the two.

“ Don’t be. It was a long time ago.” Hux sipped his tea. “I’d rather we don’t talk about this subject. It’s quite a bit too depressing for a breakfast. I don’t want to spoil your appetite.”

“Then…Can we talk about Poe?”

Hux froze at his name, just like Poe himself.

“If you are here to change my mind…”

“No! no. It’s nothing like that.” Rey shook her head. “If it was because you didn’t like Poe, or didn’t think he was a good fit I would try to help, but I know you did it to protect him, which is really selfless of you, I might add.”

Now Poe was lost. What the hell were they talking about?

“He deserves better.” Hux said. Poe didn’t see his face, but he knew how emotional the red-haired man was by his shaky voice. “He deserves someone who has his shit together. I can’t be that person for him. I don’t even know I will ever become one.”

“If it’s not too personal, may I ask how did you figure it out that Poe likes you? Ben said you knew a long time ago.”

Now Poe felt like he just stopped breathing all together. So Armitage knew all along?

“…I was passing by his room when he was thirteen, and I..I saw it.” Hux wouldn’t meet the girl’s eyes. Rey tilted her head in confusion, but Poe knew exactly what Armitage was talking about.

“He…was calling my name when he…you know?”

“I don’t…OH! eww! Okay, got it!” Rey shook the image of her friend’s activity out of her head as soon as possible. “So…how did you know you like him back?”

“What do you mean?” Hux’s voice was filled with confusion. “What’s not to like about him? He’s good-looking, very well-read, a captain of his school team. What’s not to like about him?”

“That’s it?” Rey didn’t look convinced.

“Well, there is the fact that he called me an angel with we first met, but I didn’t think anything of it at the time!” huh quickly added. Rey giggled.

“But you do love him, right?” Rey’s voice was as soft as her eyes when she looked at the troubled man in front of her.

“I do.”

The admission made Poe felt like he had been electrocuted. He didn’t knew how much more he would be able to take.

“We should get going. Leia is expecting you to have lunch with her today.” Rey stood up.

“Will Poe be there?” Hux’s voice sounded alarmed, almost threatened, even. Poe hated that he was the cause of that reaction.

“Don’t worry. He was too upset about you turning him down, he didn’t leave his room unless absolutely necessary.” Rey assured him, but the glance she snuck at Poe made him know he better be there. “Let’s go to your place so you can clean up before that, shall we?”

Poe still sat at his table even when he saw them drove away. He didn’t know what to do, or what to say.

So the first thing he did was pulling out his phone and searched for Armitage’s father and whatever the incident Rey said Armitage had gone through. He never met the guy, but he saw the name on the side of one of Leia’s files, even if he didn’t know back then what the huge files were for.

‘Brendol Hux’

 


End file.
